Monday, August 07, 2006

Do not cough near the gorillas

Thank you for your patience as I try to get back to blogging more often. Lots of work these days. And school doesn't start up again for me until after Labor Day and I'm taking advantage of these last weeks away from campus.

So I'll share this for those of you intrepid readers still clicking over here once in awhile. Remember Professor Lunch-Guy? Well, he recently graduated to Professor Dinner-Guy. Then he promptly left the country (just my luck). Right now he's somewhere in Central Africa near the beautiful hills and lakes that are home to the last few hundred mountain gorillas left on the planet. I looked up tourism info on the place and here's what I found.

Rules for a gorilla visit:
1. Spitting in the park is strictly prohibited, especially when close to a gorilla group.
2. Once with the group should the occasion arise that you need to cough, please cover your mouth and turn away from the gorillas.
3. When with the gorillas, please keep your voice level low and only talk in whispers.
4. If you get stung by a nettle, please refrain from crying out loud and try not to make any rapid movements that may frighten the gorillas.
5. If a gorilla should charge or vocalize at you, then do not be alarmed. Stand still and look away and certainly never run. The guides may ask you to move slowly away if necessary.
6. Never make any rapid movements and do not disturb the vegetation when with the group; there may be a gorilla hidden behind the leaves.
7. Please do not leave litter anywhere in the park.

Now, maybe it's just me, but if I get stung by a nettle and I forget to refrain from crying out loud and because I've made a noise a gorilla charges at me, I AIN'T STANDING STILL! I'm becoming alarmed! I'm running like hell and screaming like Fay Wray with her ass on fire!

Maybe that's why I wasn't invited along on the trip.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love to sit and watch the gorillas in the zoo where I work. As long as they're on the other side of the steel mesh. I totally understand the wont to get close to them. They're gorgeous, and the gorillas' facial expressions can break your heart.

But to sit amongst them? I'd have to have a dose of thorazine - and a gas mask. Gorilla musk can bring you gagging to your knees, even from 30 feet away. They are too much like us, capable of blind rage and destruction -- except that they can bench-press Volkswagons.

All in all though, I'd take my chances with gorillas over chimps any day. Remember the guy who was involuntarily castrated by his pet chimp last year? 'Nuff said.

11:23 PM  
Blogger Kevin said...

Congrats on the graduation to Professor-Dinner-Guy.

And OF COURSE that's why you weren't invited along on the trip.

You get PAID to cry out loud and make critical noises that grandly amuse the rest of us lowly humans.

PDG simply knew you couldn't handle the rules-and-regs of this specific trip and didn't want you risking your life.

Sounds like a potential case of True Love to me.

10:24 AM  
Blogger Baruch Grazer said...

You know, I also get pretty damned tired of people spitting and littering near me, talking too loudly on their stupid cellphones, or coughing in my face.

Maybe I need to start vocalizing at, or charging, these people myself.

11:11 AM  
Blogger Stef said...

These are rules for gorillas? Wow. They must be pretty special gorillas...

7:45 AM  
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