Monday, August 01, 2005

Toms

Former star student Lauren sends this:

For every Brad, I think there are 15 Toms. These are the turbo-East Coast or Southern assholes devoid of Brad's manners and charm. They live in the frat house and swap racist jokes with Brad, but there are a few differences.

They don't believe in personal hygiene--their hair forms a greasy, ungroomed mop above their acne-infested faces. They come to class reeking of Kentucky Deluxe whiskey (even though they're loaded, they won't shell out for the good stuff) and rarely venture outside the business school.

You'll never catch a Tom in a Porsche, because small cars are too girly. They prefer huge SUV's or lifted pickups to display their hunting association stickers. They also wear those heinous mirrored sunglasses that were popular in the early '90s, and they hang below their unshaved chins and fat necks on an elastic string called a "croakie." Yeah, they date the Ashleys, but anyone who sees them in public inevitably thinks they are an odd fit. They hang out at the bars neighboring SMU and spend all night raising keys to their noses in the bathroom.

Not being from the South originally, I always found the Toms repulsive, but maybe that's why I think they're so prevalent. Anyway, that's my input.

Great stuff, Lauren!

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