Wednesday, May 17, 2006


At the health club today in the women's dressing room, two slender middle-aged women stand in their skimpies in front of the largest mirror.

Lady 1: We're going back to Tuscany this summer. We have a villa there, you know.

Lady 2: Didn't your daughter get married there last year?

Lady 1: In Florence. Beautiful wedding. Everything was perfect. Gorgeous.

Lady 2: I'm sure...

Lady 1: We used a wonderful Italian wedding planner. Knew all about the paperwork and how to hire the caterer and all the arrangements. Took care of everything for us.

Lady 2: If they were married there... is that legal and all?

Lady 1: Oh, they had to marry over here. Then they did the Catholic thing over there. And a huge reception for about 400. Very formal.

Lady 2: Well, that's nice.

Lady 1: I leave next week for London. To see my sister. Has that house in Mayfair. Gorgeous. Perfect. And her husband's family has an estate in Sussex. (pause) Where will you be this summer?

Lady 2: We always go to Florida. The kids love Florida.

Lady 1: You have a place there?

Lady 2 (looking deflated by this point): Um... my sister has a condo in Panama City. She lets us use the first floor. We have so many kids. It gets... crazy. We never even go out to eat.

Lady 1 (patting moisturizer on her cleavage): I'm sure.

Lady 2 (after a pause): How do you like the new yoga teacher?

Lady 1: She's gorgeous. Perfect.

Five minutes later, another middle-aged lady, never seen her before, walks up to me stark naked (well, she has a gym towel around her neck) and asks me where I got my swimsuit. I tell her -- T.J. Maxx.

Middle-aged lady: Those are good suits for our kind of figures. (She means chubby in the middle). After menopause, it's hard to lose that belly fat.

Me: I haven't done the menopause thing. Still... everything as usual.

M-A Lady: Oh, I've been through it. Afterward, I had no interest in sex anymore. My vagina became a stranger. Enjoy it while you can!

Meanwhile, over in the men's dressing area, I can imagine this conversation happening:

Guy 1: How about those Mavs?

Guy 2: How about those Mavs?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

How about those CAVS!!

6:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Other things overheard in the men's locker room:
"After menopause, it's hard to lose that belly fat since my wife's vagina became a stranger."

12:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Actually ...

Guy 1: How about those Mavs? (burp)

Guy 2: How about those Mavs? (grunt)

10:23 PM  
Blogger Zoe Brain said...


Guys don't talk in locker rooms.

Trust me on this.

There are very, very few advantages to being transsexual. It's embarressing, it's expensive, it's socially catastrophic and if you crack and have to transition, you must expect to lose everything you have. Children, spouse, employment, parents.

But you do get to see how the other half lives, and behaves. You've had to, to observe carefully, and pretend to think like they do, just to conceal your condition, sometimes for decades.

I Never will understand Men though.

3:31 AM  
Blogger P. G. said...

In my (male) locker room at the gym, the last conversation I overheard was a couple guys laughing at one of their wives for not knowing to check the oil in the car and screwing it up. I slunk out, ashamed that I never check mine.

11:57 AM  

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