At the health club today in the women's dressing room, two slender middle-aged women stand in their skimpies in front of the largest mirror.
Lady 1: We're going back to Tuscany this summer. We have a villa there, you know.
Lady 2: Didn't your daughter get married there last year?
Lady 1: In Florence. Beautiful wedding. Everything was perfect. Gorgeous.
Lady 2: I'm sure...
Lady 1: We used a wonderful Italian wedding planner. Knew all about the paperwork and how to hire the caterer and all the arrangements. Took care of everything for us.
Lady 2: If they were married there... is that legal and all?
Lady 1: Oh, they had to marry over here. Then they did the Catholic thing over there. And a huge reception for about 400. Very formal.
Lady 2: Well, that's nice.
Lady 1: I leave next week for London. To see my sister. Has that house in Mayfair. Gorgeous. Perfect. And her husband's family has an estate in Sussex. (pause) Where will you be this summer?
Lady 2: We always go to Florida. The kids love Florida.
Lady 1: You have a place there?
Lady 2 (looking deflated by this point): Um... my sister has a condo in Panama City. She lets us use the first floor. We have so many kids. It gets... crazy. We never even go out to eat.
Lady 1 (patting moisturizer on her cleavage): I'm sure.
Lady 2 (after a pause): How do you like the new yoga teacher?
Lady 1: She's gorgeous. Perfect.
Five minutes later, another middle-aged lady, never seen her before, walks up to me stark naked (well, she has a gym towel around her neck) and asks me where I got my swimsuit. I tell her -- T.J. Maxx.
Middle-aged lady: Those are good suits for our kind of figures. (She means chubby in the middle). After menopause, it's hard to lose that belly fat.
Me: I haven't done the menopause thing. Still... everything as usual.
M-A Lady: Oh, I've been through it. Afterward, I had no interest in sex anymore. My vagina became a stranger. Enjoy it while you can!
Meanwhile, over in the men's dressing area, I can imagine this conversation happening:
Guy 1: How about those Mavs?
Guy 2: How about those Mavs?