The Running of the Winners!

We have winners in the "Running of..." fill-in-the-blank contest from two weeks back. Although Hillary, as usual, had exemplary suggestions, she's won twice before, so I'm disqualifying her. No offense, Hill. You're a smarty-pie and I loves ya bunches. But let's give the others a chance. You can play-for-pay the next time around.

So the first prize of a fine new "Phantom of the Opera" black canvas totebag goes to Cold Potato for the "Running of the Diarrhea Association." (A better prize would be a stool but they're hard to wrap for mailing.) CP also suggested "Running of the Turtles," which could make for a nice, relaxing event. (Winning time: Thursday.) Reminds me of Monty Python's Race for the Directionally Challenged, in which the runners take off at the gun and scatter to the winds.

Second and third prizes of new blank journals are Devon in Eugene, Ore., for the "Running of the Hippies" and Dave Avery for "Running up of the Charge Card."

All right, everyone send me your snailmail addresses at ThePhantomProf@aol.com and your prizes will be in the next mailbag. Thanks for playing!

And to those of you who've been posting comments about my being a crabby old bat who bashes the kids too much. Point taken. I'll attempt to be more positive -- until I'm not.