Saturday, February 18, 2006

Flexing the flirt muscles

Boy, am I out of practice. There's a really nice man I've been having some long lunches with recently. He's brilliant. A professor for many years. Attractive. Funny. Loves the same old movies I do (Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, To Kill a Mockingbird, Spartacus, Casablanca, The Apartment) and can discuss vintage Twilight Zone in intense detail. He knows which episodes were written by Rod Serling and which were written by Buck Houghton. You have no idea the effect that this has on a TV-head. To me it's foreplay.

He's age-appropriate, warm, witty. He opens doors like a gentleman. His politics are right--meaning way, way left. Where it counts, he's the right stuff through and through.

And I'm like a blind pig who's suddenly found an acorn. Men like this are so rare that it scares me that I actually know one. I keep waiting for him to say, "Can you drop me off at my girlfriend's house?" or "Would you like to see my collection of Japanese enema porn?" or any of those other killer phrases that men seem to utter at the exact moment you've decided he's a good guy.

I don't care what age you are, it's nerve-jangling. In this man's company, I feel 17. OK, in my head, I feel 17. My lower back still feels 95.

He seems to be tolerating my various and numerous quirks, like my tendency to blather nervously while driving (I almost turned the wrong way on a one-way street yesterday...Jeez). He puts me at ease and asks me interesting questions that nobody ever has before. And then he listens to the answers. I find him endlessly fascinating. And he keeps asking me out to lunch (we did dinner once, but our schedules make afternoon assignations much better to manage).

Girls, you know what I'm talking about. Guys, listen and learn.

Be gentle with us and we're putty. Seem interested, be attentive, kind, generous and open-hearted--we'll be your purring kittens. Niceness goes a long way.

It's been a long time since I've flexed my flirt muscles. I thought they'd atrophied altogether, like the flabby stuff under my arms. In this writing life, I spend a lot of time solo, just staring at the screen, waiting for the right words to appear. Except for going to the theater (my other job) and writing at Starbucks (where the baristas know me so well, they tell me when I'm having a good hair day and ask me to read their blogs), I don't get out a whole lot. And by getting out I mean putting on a skirt that reveals some leg, slapping on some mascara and acting like a girly girl.

There's nothing quite so nice as lunch in a neighborhood cafe on a winter afternoon, sitting across from a lovely man in a cozy booth, thinking, "This is gooooood."

I'm a little giddy perhaps. The humble acorn is an aphrodisiac.


Blogger Koru's Daughter said...

Writing this blog is also a form of flirting with him. Hope the lovely guy reads it.

YIPPEE for puppy love!

12:06 PM  
Anonymous MadHat said...

Thats what I say but I have to say that being "kind, generous and open-hearted" is just not enough... Its really a secondary thing. It really is!

12:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What is wrong with enema porn. It is vital to Japanese culture.

1:48 PM  
Blogger Capt. Jean-Luc Pikachu said...

Good luck!

4:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You go Prof!

5:19 PM  
Blogger Gene said...

You should broaden your horizons, Prof! I am stunned that you didn't mention Alice's Restaurant; An American in Paris; The Maltese Falcon; Reefer Madness; Triumph of the Will; The Birth of a Nation and (arguably the finest motion picture ever made) Death to Smoochy.

Yes, I attempted to use as many semicolons in this post as possible. Did you Spontaneously Human Combust? :P

8:42 PM  
Blogger theprofessor said...

You all crack me up. I also didn't mention "It's a Wonderful Life," which, corny though it may seem, gets me every time I see it. As for flirting via blog, I don't think it occurs to him to read it. He's too occupied with more important matters. But I guess I risk it by writing about things so personal. It's all about taking the risk, this flirting stuff. I appreciate any and all good thoughts. With or without semicolons!

11:34 PM  
Blogger Morgaine said...

Just relax and have fun with it, Professor. It's like riding a bike. You may not have done it in a while, but it all comes back to you when you need it.

3:35 AM  
Blogger Inside the Philosophy Factory said...

I wouldn't be so sure he isn't reading your blog -- your trouble with your school made naitonal news... it has to come up in conversation -- especially if he's an academic in your town.

I think flirtiing via blog is a great use for it. He sounds like a nice guy. He's probably excited to have found a woman like you -- and you know he likes you, or there wouldn't be so many lunches.

7:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, nice guys do finish first. There's nothing more important than sharing common interests with another individual. And a man who listens will always warm your heart. Also a man who makes you laugh is another guarantee to romance and love. I can remember times when I was furious with my husband. A few hours later, he cracked a joke, and I found myself laughing. Hard. After that, I forgot all the anger. It works everytime. Like magic.

This is amazing, because when we first met, I didn't understand any of his jokes!

12:28 PM  
Blogger J said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

6:16 PM  
Blogger J said...

Love sure can make someone feel euphoric, ecstatic, and strangely alive. But then again so can heroin. I haven't tried the latter, but I know all too well how intoxicating these first stages can be, you know, before you find out about the hairy chest and the weird nervous ticks.

I'm happy to hear a little love has found its way to you.

P.S. This is Jeanette from a springtime of yesteryear. I decided to start blogging again after I got re-addicted to yours a month ago. And I think Tequila and a rather boring evening had something to do with it too. You're Awesome with a capital A. So awesome, I just said something that dumb.

6:45 PM  
Blogger BlondebutBright said...

Your post made me smile. The thrill of romantic possibility is a wonderful thing. Enjoy it while it lasts (and that can be taken optimistically or pessimistically, depending on your mood). :)

8:24 AM  
Blogger dawn said...

Um....I would be thinking he may ask you to drop him off at his boyfirend's house. Sounds too good, but good luck!

9:41 AM  
Blogger Shelly said...

I'm so happy for you, Phantom Prof! Best wishes for a long and happy relationship!

10:22 AM  
Blogger Tiana said...

I hope he makes your front bottom smile too!

6:06 AM  
Anonymous alicia said...

mmm, i love the endlessly interesting phase! mostly though, i love hearing about that phase. i could read about someone else's potential relationship for hours and hours. i'm a romantic like that. yay for giddy!

11:41 AM  
Anonymous Heels said...

I enjoy this blog every time I poke my nose in here, but this post was exceptionally endearing.

Enjoy flexing your flirt muscles.

4:33 PM  
Blogger academic coach said...

Great news. May you get in shape quickly.

7:10 PM  
Anonymous Ralf said...

Very nice!

6:46 AM  
Anonymous telefonsex said...

fully Ak with Ralf!

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