Sting like a bee!

A Red Cross Water Safety Instructor, I am. Passed the tests, did the butterfly, after which the teacher said, "A lot of people couldn't have done that." I took that as a compliment, although it probably meant something like, "Your butterfly stroke lies somewhere in the 99.9 percent of all people, old or young, multi- or uni-limbed, who have attempted the butterfly and somehow made it to the end of the pool without having to be rescued by a lifeguard."

I did it before the end of 2006, which was a goal. Other things from the year remain unfinished and will be on the To-Do List for 2007. First I have to buy an organizer, which was on my To-Do List last year and somehow...but no looking back! No! Onward! Stroke, stroke, flip turn!

Strange year, 2006. Lot of writing. Lot of teaching. Lot of theater reviewing. More travel than I wanted to do. Summer at Theater Critics' Camp in Connecticut, two weeks of fa-fa attitudes on a farm crawling with bugs, actors and playwrights obsessed with writing introspective three-hour dramas about Sept. 11.

Got to hang out with surfers on the Texas coast. Spent a day in Manhattan seeing every inch of the new MOMA. Saw Spring Awakening before it became a huge Broadway hit. Check out this video to see how great a show it is.

Taught three film history classes with students so eager and energetic they spoiled me forever. (Hope they all sign up again when I teach "Movies about Movies" in March.)

Some adventures in 2007. Lots of good laughs. Some disappointments. Fifty weeks of seeing Professor Lunch-Guy and then, poof, he disappears from the landscape of my life. That was different. I hear he's back with a former woman and I sense a pattern. Just before it gets to the point where something should progress with someone, he bails out and returns to some other someone who'll be forgiving and happy to resume the relationship. He'll never commit. He'll never be emotionally available. He hasn't a clue how to do the man/woman thing. But that's how he likes it. Cold as ice, that one. I thought I could melt him. My mistake.

Meanwhile, the long-distance man in my life--the one who really gets me--sent me a lovely box of pre-cooked bacon for Christmas. Now, I enjoy a good slice of smoked pork, but ...gift-wrapped breakfast meat? What next year? A jar of herring? Some beef jerky? Some men are from Mars; this one's from Hickory Farms.

I shall begin the new year secure in the knowledge that life is beautiful and that I am an expert by-god certified swim instructor. I can teach levels 1 through 6, plus beginner adults.

Started the year as a caterpillar and ended as a butterfly. That's all right.

Happy New Year, all!