Word Nerd 13: The New Horoscope
Whether you believe in them or not, reading horoscopes is a guilty pleasure. Haven't we all checked our sign to see if the traits match our personalities? I'm a Scorpio--stealthy, curious water sign with a penchant for shopping, soft porn and spicy food.
Just for fun to see Jack run (as my grandma used to say), invent some new signs of the Zodiac. Give them appropriate personality traits. And tell us what other invented signs they might be compatible with.
Anesthesio: One of the medical signs of the New Zodiac. Symbol: The Syringe. Hard to rouse from deep sleep, persons born under this sign seem to live in a netherworld just short of being fully alert. Slow-talkers, they find it hard to follow some conversations and often have to be reminded where they are and sometimes who they are. They prefer darkness and tend to work in undisclosed locations when given a choice. Can be cruel when crossed. Cranky between full moons. Appropriate professions: Security guard, spelunker, vice president of the United States. Most compatible with those born under Barbitura (symbol: The Little Blue Pill).
Bimba: Sign of the bottle blonde. Symbol: Two half melons. Pretty, breathy and fun, this sign loves the color pink and the sound the ATM makes as it spews new 20s by the fistful. You can tell a Bimba by how she reads--moving her glossy lips with the words and following along with a perfectly manicured forefinger. Favorite phrase: "For ME?" Appropriate professions: Movie star, romance novelist (with a ghostwriter), trophy wife, future litigant against Bob Barker. Most compatible with Trumpies, the money sign.
Your turn! Oops! Almost forgot to mention this week's prize: You very own stuffed green flying monkey courtesy of Elphaba from the Broadway hit Wicked. It's hideously cute.