Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Writing Workshop Lesson 2 and Assignment 2: Dialogue

Truman Capote used it to great effect in In Cold Blood (a book every writer must read). Lillian Ross uses it efficiently and wittily in her "Talk of the Town" pieces for The New Yorker. And David Mamet has made a fine career out of using it like nobody else.

We’re talking dialogue. How people talk in stories. What they say and how they say it. Reporters often think of dialogue merely as “quotes,” using it to spike their sources’ commentary into the cold facts presented outside the quotation marks. Writerly journalists skillfully weave dialogue into a piece (as Ross does and as Joseph Mitchell was so expert at) to provide emotion, color, texture, context and authenticity.

Dialogue brings stories to life. It’s the old “show don’t tell” gambit. Don’t just tell what happens to your characters. Show it through what they say to each other. In literary nonfiction we stress the use of anecdotes throughout a piece. Let the speaker talk more than you the writer narrate. Let us hear his or her voice, instead of just yours.

The better you are at dialogue, the better writer you’ll be. It’s important to develop a writer’s ear for how people sound. We don’t speak with perfect grammar all the time. People talk funny. Kids really do say the darnedest things (thank you, Art Linkletter).

Christopher Walken says he developed his weird ... halting... vocal style as an actor by whiting out all the commas and periods in his scripts. He didn't want to be limited by somebody else's punctuation.

One of the best exercises an acting teacher in college had us student actors do was to record an hour of conversation among several people. We then had to transcribe it verbatim in script form, memorize it and act it out in groups onstage. Our performance had to sound as “real” as the tape. To prove it, the professor played the tape first and then we did the scenes. Harder than you think! All that overlapping of dialogue, all the non sequiturs. But it really gave us a valuable lesson in how to speak onstage in a relaxed, natural, conversational manner. It taught me that written dialogue didn’t have to sound literary or overly poetic. Even today, as I review plays for the Dallas Observer, I especially appreciate playwrights and actors who make me feel as if I’m overhearing their conversations instead of witnessing a performance of somebody else’s words. (And isn't this part of the reason reality TV is so popular? We viewers are in the position of eavesdropping... although those kids on Real World and Laguna Beach sure sound scripted these days.)

So often in the news media, dialogue is given the shortest of shrift. TV reporters will tell us what was said in a meeting or at a crime scene, instead of letting us see and hear the real thing. How much more compelling is footage of a witness’ testimony at a murder trial than some reporter’s rephrased version of it from the courthouse steps? (Show, don’t tell.)

Your assignment this week requires a field trip. Go to some public spot where you can eavesdrop on conversations. Starbucks (or some other overpriced java joint) is usually good, although the frappuccino machines and junk-jazz CDs can drown out voices. People waiting in lines often hold good random conversations. Waiting rooms are tops. I was in a hospital ER waiting area recently and heard this exchange between a security guard and an orderly:

Guard: How'd he get here? (indicating a quivering, sweating young man hunched over in a wheelchair)
Orderly: I think he was a dump and run.
Guard: Cold, man. Co-old.

With the proliferation of the goldurn cell phone, it is getting harder to find people talking to other people in person. If they're not hooked up to the iPod, they're talking to somebody electronically (even in public bathrooms, in the stalls, in full squat). You need to eavesdrop where you can get both sides of the convo.

Discreetly take notes of the overheard dialogue. It can be a few sentences or whole paragraphs. If you’re lucky, maybe you can piggyback on a knock-down-drag-out verbal harangue of some interest. But banal back-and-forths are fine, too.

Pay attention to the details. Not only how people use language but what they’re doing while they’re speaking. Is the lady reapplying her lip gloss while she’s berating her kids? Is the man at the bar giving an over-her-shoulder come-on to someone else while he’s hitting on the pretty young thing right in front of him?

Keep a dialogue journal this week. Get at least two or three pages of overheard conversations down on paper. They won’t be continuous conversations, just bits and bursts. Listen to kids talking to each other on the playground. Listen to the clerks on their smoke breaks behind the office.

Try to write down dialogue as accurately as you can, making additional notes about gestures, facial expressions, time and place, etc.

When you’ve got a couple of good ones, post them in comments here and we’ll all get to overhear what you overheard.

Here are a couple of sites -- Larry Swanson's and the Man Who Fell Asleep and Overheardinnewyork --- that document odd bits of overheard dialogue.

Read the work of Washington Post feature scribe Hank Stuever, who's a quirky and funny writer of real-life stories about real-life weirdness.

And just because I like it and because it's composed of nothing but the dialogue between a mother and her daughter, here is Jamaica Kincaid's Girl. Enjoy!




41 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is not my submission relative to the writing assignment. I had the need to say "Even you are not sure WHY the present day, so called REALITY TV is so popular." Please don't try to tell me that was a rhetorical question. Personally, I'm in the dark as to why or even how those programs stay on TV and seem to be increasing in number.

12:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Conversation before class-

Girl: So, like, in Spanish they held held up pictures of famous people and asked us to describe them.

Boy: Like who?

Girl: Well, Lance Armstrong was one. And everyone said hen-er-oso. And then I jumped in and said terr-e-blay.

Boy: Why?

Girl: He like fucking cheated on his wife with that slut of singer.

Boy: Well if I had survived all that cancer and done that much with my life I'd want an upgrade in the wife department.

Girl: He's like a liberal.

Boy: He's a liberal? That must be why he's bad. Fuck that!

2:49 PM  
Blogger Corinne said...

John, the Confused Boy
Justin, the Agitated Boy
Jason, the Sleepy Boy


A couch. John sits far left, Justin sits in the middle, and Jason naps on the far right. John and Justin are thoroughly engaged in animated conversation.

John: So who said a car was stolen?

Justin: There WAS no car stolen!

John: Didn’t you just say someone stole a car?

Justin: … this is what we call the hypothetical situation…

John: … how is it hypothetical if you said it was stolen--?

Justin: Look. I work at a place that does cars.

John: That’s a good point.

Justin: I wasn’t trying to make a point. Can I finish? So this place that fixes cars, right? This car, not mine.

John: Why do YOU care if it wasn’t your car?

Justin: Do you wanna know what happened or what?

John: When you make sense…

Justin: If you’d just quit asking me questions and interrupting me every seven seconds I can finish my story of why this car is even worth being mentioned!
John: … uhh…

Justin: Right, so this car … (sneeze) … This car, that I was working on, that wasn’t mine, obviously, was hypothetically taken from my place of employment.

John: I still don’t understand why it was taken?

Justin: Christ! You’re not supposed to know why, just know that it was taken!

John: Stolen?

Justin: Whatever…

John: I thought you said it was stolen!

Justin: … Anyway we don’t know where the car is.

John: So you lost a car, it wasn’t stolen. You just don’t know where it is.

Justin: Hypothetically! We can’t track down the guy. The guy with the car.

Jason: So this story… this hypothetical situation of yours… you work at a place that fixes cars and a car sprouts legs and walks away?

Justin: Not legs, but it’s gone. And YES. It’s what I’ve been trying to start with if dumbass over here would just let me finish a freakin point!

John: And the point is?

Justin: My homework was in the car that was theoretically stolen.

Jason: I thought you said hypothetically?

Justin: Jason, go to sleep. John, get Teabag’s balls.

9:41 PM  
Blogger writer said...

I love John, Jason, Justin and the hypothetical stolen car! Good one!

10:35 PM  
Blogger Corinne said...

I confess, it was a long past conversation -- but it's one of the best I have ever had the privilege of eavesdropping!

The three guys are actually good friends on mine. After I had finished my transcription, I let each of them read it. They never realized how funny it all was on paper!

10:57 PM  
Blogger maurinsky said...

Overheard on the bus this morning:

Guy 1: army pants, red Bruce Lee t-shirt, dark sunglasses
Girl: sharp features, dressed in boho chic
Guy 2: sad sack looking fellow, looks like he hasn't shaved in a couple of days.

Guy 1:"...backstabbing. I'm still pulling knives out of my back. Try to help people out, man. A shirt. Fuck. She says 'stay away from my car or I'll call the police'. For a fucking shirt."
Girl "Four shirts"
Guy 1: "Four shirts, like I wear women's shirts. Go ahead and call the police, I say. Shit, I'm going to call the police. I left an original painting - drawing in her car that's worth over $300. She's a fucking felon, armed robbery. Who are the police going to believe?"
Girl: "So what are you going to do?"
Guy 1: "About what?"
Girl: "Hanging out?"
Guy 1: "I gotta get this application in for this scholarship. Win something for my poetry."
Guy 2: "How much?"
Guy 1: "$5000. I'm gonna be a millionaire, I can feel it. I'm gonna be a millionaire by the time I'm 40, that gives me 8 years."

12:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Man and woman in their living room, man is playing playstation.

Woman: "You know, it's really starting to piss me off that--

Man pauses game, looks up startled as if he knows he's in trouble

Woman --"for some reason I seem to always have the same pattern in friendships. I try to be a good friend, try to be there for people and do nice things. {voice wavers, eyes tear up} I don't expect anything in return, but I don't expect to be treated like crap for it either."

Man : "The world's full of assholes."

Woman: "Yeah, I guess it'd be easier if I were one of them."

12:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Two guys, obviously musicians, taking a break outside.

Guy 1, leaning back in his chair, "So, Maiden's headling Ozzfest 'cause Ozzy's fucking sick, man."

Guy 2, not really seeming to care -smoking a cigarette-"Yeah?"

Guy 1, "Yeah and get this, I guess they were playing on stage and somebody starting turning the electricity on and off. To the whole freaking stage, man and then some roadie comes out - you know that guy that used to run onto the field waving a flag (makes pole waving gesture) and shit?

Guy 2: "Yeah"

Guy 1: "So some roadie comes out and starts doing that and you know that Maiden rocks, I saw them when they were out for Seventh son of a Seventh son - killer man! So then someone starts throwing eggs at them. AT MAIDEN. AT IRON-FUCKING MAIDEN!"

Guy 2: "Probably not the first time that's happened."

Guy 1: "Yeah, but probably not in the last 25 years! I'm watching as Steve Harris plays his bass with an egg in his hair, just dripping down..." (makes dripping gesture with hands)

Guy 2: "I thought you said you HEARD about this?"

Guy 1: "I DID..it was on the news and they showed it."

Long pause, no talking for a few minutes...

Guy 1: "I'm really worried though. They're supposed to be in the studio. What if this really messes them up and they're in their recording (makes air guitar gesture) and are all like (makes sad face) 'whoa..somebody threw eggs at us...' and then they DON'T MAKE A GOOD ALBUM!!!!!"

12:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mother and young child (4ish), waiting for school bell to ring.

"Mommy?"

"Yes, sweetheart"

"My shoe has a place like a fang."

"Your shoe has a place like a fang?"

"My shoe has a place like a fang...actually two fangs." Long pause. "Mommy?"

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"I want to play a place with Ditto when we get home."

"Mmm hmm?"

"Like the one with Oddish...Mommy?"

"Yes, sweetheart?"

Continue ad nauseum...

Tapper

8:01 AM  
Blogger Cyr said...

The other day I was standing in line at the bank to deposit a check someone had written me. The branch closest to my office is a nightmare, so I knew to bring a book with me to occupy the time I'd spend waiting for service. I happened the look up from my book when the line advanced and saw a middle aged white man, dressed in a ball cap, t-shirt and jeans walk up to the teller.

"I'm here to pick up a cashier's check," he said to the teller. He shifted back and forth from foot to foot. I want to say he was dancing to the muzack over the speaker, but he wasn't not keeping any semblance of rhythm. "My brother was supposed to authorize it."

The teller smiled and replied, "Is your name Ted Murphy?" She seemed bored and obviously a bit overwhelmed by the length of the line. Every time she looked our way, her eyes would roll. She's young, pretty, and probably had somewhere else to be.

The man perked up, his feet stopped moving. "Yes it is," he answered.

"Okay Mr. Murphy, I'll type that check up right now."

The teller then took what I assumed was a blank check and placed it into the printer next to her. She began typing, her pink fingernails flying over the keyboard in front of her, but she soon stopped. She turned back to the man.

"How much was that check supposed to be for?" she asked.

"Eleven hundred dollars," offered Ted.

"Okay, that sounds right. Thanks." The teller went back to typing.

When she was done, she seperated the copies of the check and handed "Ted" his copy. "Ted" thanked her and walked out the door. He never once presented identification. He never even actually identified himself. I was stumped by the lack of security protocols.

"Well, that didn't seem right," said the woman in front of me. Apparently I wasn't the only one who saw a problem.

12:49 PM  
Blogger Cyr said...

Not the assignment but on topic...

I think one of the masters of dialogue today is Joss Whedon. Word for word, his dialogue (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Firefly, the upcoming Serenity) is some of the best on screen. A lot of his dialogue always reminds me of movies like His Girl Friday.

1:36 PM  
Blogger Kitty said...

Two 20-something females

#1: All I wanted was a measly 20 bucks and she said, Christ, just how difficult is it for you to go to that ATM over there?

#2: She's such a bitch, isn't she."

5:41 PM  
Blogger Kitty said...

Mother & kid at Starbucks

M: Eat it. You wanted it.

K: It tastes like crrr... I didn't say that word!

5:43 PM  
Blogger Kitty said...

Interesting assignment. I noticed that although I can hear lots of talking, it's difficult to distinguish what is actually being said. To do so requires a great deal of concentration. Standing in line at a checkout is much easier.

5:52 PM  
Blogger HOLMES said...

So I'm at the psychiatrist's office. The waiting room has a wall in the middle of it. The wall doesn't extend to the ceiling, which makes it possible to hear/eavesdrop on conversations but impossible to see/stare at those speaking.

I overhear a young boy and girl talking. "Home" is mentioned, so I assume they are brother and sister.

Girl: No, you cannot use my computer when we get home. You will hack into my finance data.

Boy: I'm mechanically inclined, but I'm not a hacker.

Girl: I might let you use it after I back up my passwords. I have to put in my new files first. Right now I'm going to wear my kimono, because ancient Japanese legend states that if kimonos aren't worn, the world will come to an end.

(I got to see them when they walked out... the boy was about four and the girl was no older than six. Clearly, the visits to the psychiatrist are to help them come to terms with their freakish intelligence.)

7:06 PM  
Blogger maurinsky said...

Another one overheard on the bus - a young black man and a young black woman, both about 20-22.

Excerpt 1:

YBW: Dang, I'm so tiiiired.
YBM: You was up breastfeeding all night?
YBW, laughing: I don't breastfeed no more.
YBM: You sposed to breastfeed until they seven, you know.

Excerpt 2:

YBM: You see that lady there, with the green shirt? She my cousin's aunt.
YBW: Damn, she's...
YBM: Don't rank on her!
YBW: I shouldn't rank on her...even though she got cotton string for hair
YBM: And she only got one tooth..
YBW: and she all cockeyed...
YBM, laughing: yeah
YMW: She probably nice
YBM: She really nice
YBW: Yeah, I bet she nice
YBM (big pause): She *better* be nice

They were both cracking up by the end of that conversation. And the woman they were looking at did have cotton string looking hair, one tooth, and was cross-eyed.

10:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Two friends from undergraduate, now roommates entering law school, are watching television in their apartment with a few other friends, and exchanging impressions after their first day in class.

Student 1: So how'd you like that contracts guy today?

Student 2: I dunno. Bummer. (Pause) What are we doing here anyway? This is way intense.

Student 1: Yeah, the competition's already got me stressed out. You check out how many ivy leaguers in our class? (Pause) They're, like, maybe, the prime rib of undergrad.

(Pause)

Friend 1: (Who's been concentrating on TV) You've got a lot of chicken and fish people out there. A lot of people aren't that into red meat.

Student 2: So we're, like, ground chuck or something? They think we're good enough to let us in.

Friend 2: At least you're in the meat group.

(Pause for beer commercial.)

Student 1: Yeah, but if we don't hustle our butts off we're gonna wind up as freakin Spam.

Friend 1: Where's the freakin remote?

6:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Filthy Wino: Gotta smoke mate?
Tradesman (blowing smoke in his face): "No mate, I don't smoke!"

---

Druken patron: Eating pizza.
Surly bald-headed Bouncer: I think your pizza has menstrual problems.

----

Dodgy looking dude on the train: The cops picked me up and dropped me three metres onto hard concrete. They didn't need to do that!

Dodgy lookin dude 2: Reckon!

- TimChuma

11:27 PM  
Blogger elisabeth said...

Thanks professor, I need this exercise :)

3:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"...it's raining chocolate inside..."
imaginative play between two five-year-old boys

"...you made me hurry scurry..."
small boy running alongside his mother at the bus stop

"...uhhh...they know I know you..."
two men in hushed conversation at a university police department

6:19 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Girl: "The good news (cough, COUGH) is that since I've been (HACK HACK HACK) sick I haven't been (cough) smoking!"

Guy: (raising his eyebrows) "The bad news is, your lungs are trying to escape through your chest."

and...

(Two guys and a girl in the living room discussing evening plans)

Guy 1: "If you are planning on going to the grocery store, I need soup and eggplants."

Girl: "Oh well we... what? Why do you need soup and eggplants?"

Guy 1: "Oh, well, I need soup for lunch, and..."

Guy 2: "And what's soup without eggplants?"

9:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Guy and a Girl Sitting at computers next to each other:

Guy:
*sigh* (low, breath of air really)
"Oh god, that’s embarrassing."

Girl:
mostly disinterested, doesn't even turn around
"What’s embarrassing?"

Guy:
(low kinda ugh, in back of throat)
"Three people ate rage."

--

Girl: Are you talking to me or somebody else?
Guy: Them.

7:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What I noticed while doing my eaves-dropping (strike that) research for this assignment, was how often the dialogue between the subjects duplicated well-
known movie scripts. It's getting so bad, or so good...depending on ones point of view, it seems there's no such thing as original dialogue to be overheard anymore.

What's even more strange, IMHO is how often I find myself using those same famous lines while I'm talking with someone. It's really weird.

A young couple in the booth next to mine at a fast-food joint was talking. I was looking over the guy's shoulder into the girl's face. I assumed they were in the "getting acquainted" stage of their relationship due to the conversation. It may have been a first date even.

Girl: So what have you been doing since graduation?

Guy: I've been trying to make up my mind what I want to do with the rest of my life.

Girl: If you graduated at the customary time, that was last June or so and here it is late August of the following year. Have you been working somewhere all that time?

Guy: Nope! I'm still staying with Mom and Dad, playing some pick-up hoops at the little playground on the corner and keeping my parent's yard mowed and trimmed.

Girl: Well! That's not encouraging news. Did you leave your ambition in the last classroom you attended? Isn't it time to get on with you adult life?

Guy: You sound a lot like my Mother now.

Girl: Jumping up from her seat, extending both arms and slowly turning around..."Do I look anything like your Mother?"

I laughed to myself because she sure didn't look like anyone's Mother. That, and the fact that I had heard conversation similar to this in a movie I rented recently titled "A lot like love."

5:00 AM  
Blogger writer said...

A friend of mine says any situation in life can be addressed in dialogue either from "The Producers" or "The Godfather." I'd probably add "Pulp Fiction."

Excellent dialogue, students. You've got good ears.

10:28 AM  
Blogger beche-la-mer said...

I found this assignment surprisingly difficult and surprisingly easy to procrastinate on. I even considered skipping it, but thought I should come back and do it for my own edification. So here is my dialogue:

The sky is navy blue and the orange sodium lights are emitting haloes of darkness. Under the bright spotlights of the sportsground, a chill hangs in the air, almost visible. Ten nine-year-olds in red shorts and T-shirts are being pumped up by their coach:
"Come on Curtis, take him down!" he shouts at the smallest boy, a tousle-haired blond with a cherubic face and huge dark eyes.
"Aaaaaahhhh," the boy yells as he thumps into a red leather tackle bag that's twice as tall as he is. Getting up, he turns and punches the tackle bag as though it had just maligned his mother's character.
"Leave him alone once he's down," the coach admonishes. "Go after the ball."
Meanwhile, pairs of parents (mostly mothers) are striding purposefully around the walking track outside the picket fence. It's partly exercise, and partly to keep warm on a late winter evening.
Some walk faster than others, so it's easy to pick up snatches of conversation as we make circuits.
"I don't want her life, I just want what she's got," pants a young mother in a pink tracksuit, pumping her arms in powerwalking mode.

8:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Boy, 5, upon arriving at the beach: Mommy, can I go in the pool-- whatever it is?

Girl, 8: I know he's my dad, and your husband... but he's NASTY.

10:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Barnes and Noble Cafe:

Late 40-ish man in Hawaiian print shirt. Cell phone rings.

"Hello?"

(he mummbles)

"What do you mean the power's out?"

(silence)

"The power's out."

Crumbled brow, worry in eyes.

"ok. ok. ok..."

Hangs up. Looks around. Goes back to his reading.

3:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Waiting for the 2 train. Brooklyn.

50 year-old woman talking on cell:

I've been with my husband for 20 years and it's still flippin spectacular.

Upon hearing that teenager turns to her boyfriend:

"That belongs on a Hallmark card."

7:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Waiting for the 2 train. Brooklyn.

50'sh year-old looking woman talking on cell:

I've been with my husband for 20 years and it's still flippin spectacular.

Upon hearing that teenager turns to her boyfriend:

"That belongs on a Hallmark card."

7:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know I'm hopelessly late on this assignment and probably no one will ever read this, but I finally have a bit of dialog to post!

Two of my male co-workers:
Guy1 is at his desk, blowing his nose loudly for several minutes.

Guy2 approaches, begins asking a work question, then stops and says: "Are you still sick?"

Guy1: "Yeah"
Guy2: "Just a thought" -pause-
"You look good, though"

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