Happy 40th Birthday, Slurpee

In line at the 7-Eleven by campus, an Asian Ashley. Gorgeous, head to toe.

Her wardrobe choices: Jimmy Choo clay-leather lace-up slingbacks ($405 retail); size 0-2 cropped Moschino jeans ($435); black eyelet halter top, possibly Catherine Malandrino ($162); black, fringed La Boheme hobo bag ($950), black Missoni crystal wraparound sunglasses ($538); French manicure ($30).

Purchase: 1 can orange-vanilla Slimfast ($1.99).

Mode of payment: the student debit card, accepted at most local retailers and restaurants in the area.

Communication device (in constant use while in store): Motorola Razr V3 ($400).

Mode of departure: spanking clean Porsche Cayenne SUV with "W" sticker on lower left of rear bumper ($89,000).

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My wardrobe choices: dog-hair-covered black yoga pants (Target sale rack, $9; dog hair, free); black Gap V-neck Tee ($4.99); two-year-old black rubber flipflops ($1); brown Sportsac shoulderbag (garage sale, $2); faux tortoise shell sunglasses (freebie from MTV "Summer Beach House" presskit eight years ago).

Purchase: Big Gulp Diet Coke with squirt of vanilla and lots of ice (89 cents); USA Today (75 cents).

Payment method: two $1 bills still wet from laundry because I forgot to take them out of jeans pocket and found them clinging to the inside of the washing machine, whereupon I thought, "Yippee! Free money!"

Mode of departure: bird-poop-covered 1998 Toyota RAV with squeaky rear brake, chip in windshield and sticker on back window that says "Chee-chee! I talk to squirrels."